Special Forces on alert in New Releases
Heartwarming tales from the country-
Mom and I are in Family Video, picking up I heart Huckabees and this Giovanni Ribisi movie that looked like it might be completely awful. Suddenly, mom is using the secret Bessman Family code to indicate I should look at the door. (For those unfamiliar with the "code", this entailed her turning her back to the point of interest, making a face that would normally suggest panic, pointing frantically over her shoulder and hissing "look look look!" through clenched teeth. This is a highly sophisticated system that no one has ever broken, and is impossible for people we talk about to detect.) Anyway, at the door there are three people. While it takes several minutes for Delta Force to position itself for top surveillance, we soon make out the characters of interest. It appears to be a young couple and another girl, all under the age of 16 by my guess. The three of them are the epitome of high society. The boy is wearing an over-sized t-shirt that says 'Hi My Name is DRUNK' over pants that are sagging nearly to his knees. The narrow-waisted girl holding hands with him is in a tight striped tank top and close-fitting jeans. The third girl is also in the traditional uniform of the highschool militia, low cut tank and ultra low rise jeans. All this seems normal (though the team is unsure how the party landed at the video store as none of them looked old enough to operate a motor vehicle). Holding our position turns out to be profitable when the party began to mobilize, however. When the girlfriend rotates, the profile view reveals the round belly of a pregnant teen! While the stripes of her top camouflaged the protrusion from the front, the side leaves no room for doubt. She must be more than 6 months along. And the child's daddy's name is 'DRUNK'. Lucky kid has a top notch set of parents.
*This story has not been embellished. Instead great liberty was taken with the style.
Mom and I are in Family Video, picking up I heart Huckabees and this Giovanni Ribisi movie that looked like it might be completely awful. Suddenly, mom is using the secret Bessman Family code to indicate I should look at the door. (For those unfamiliar with the "code", this entailed her turning her back to the point of interest, making a face that would normally suggest panic, pointing frantically over her shoulder and hissing "look look look!" through clenched teeth. This is a highly sophisticated system that no one has ever broken, and is impossible for people we talk about to detect.) Anyway, at the door there are three people. While it takes several minutes for Delta Force to position itself for top surveillance, we soon make out the characters of interest. It appears to be a young couple and another girl, all under the age of 16 by my guess. The three of them are the epitome of high society. The boy is wearing an over-sized t-shirt that says 'Hi My Name is DRUNK' over pants that are sagging nearly to his knees. The narrow-waisted girl holding hands with him is in a tight striped tank top and close-fitting jeans. The third girl is also in the traditional uniform of the highschool militia, low cut tank and ultra low rise jeans. All this seems normal (though the team is unsure how the party landed at the video store as none of them looked old enough to operate a motor vehicle). Holding our position turns out to be profitable when the party began to mobilize, however. When the girlfriend rotates, the profile view reveals the round belly of a pregnant teen! While the stripes of her top camouflaged the protrusion from the front, the side leaves no room for doubt. She must be more than 6 months along. And the child's daddy's name is 'DRUNK'. Lucky kid has a top notch set of parents.
*This story has not been embellished. Instead great liberty was taken with the style.
posted by Abby-Wan Kenobi at 11:13 PM
1 Comments:
Holy TubeSocks Batgirl, you gave away the Bessman family spying methodology. How are we ever going to mock at other people's expense?
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