Conundrum

I've decided to retire the Hong Kong Abby Blog, as I am no longer in Hong Kong. I'll leave it up for a while, and am keeping the content of on my own computer, but I'm now a committed blogger. I know, I know, since my return to the homeland the blogging has been somewhat infrequent. It is in part because I keep trying to start a new blog and then failing and losing my blog momentum.

The real issue is I can't think of a suitable name for this new forum. The clever words incorporating my name are never quite right (fabbylous, abbysphere, abbewildering, etc.) and I can't seem to come up with something un-lame. AnAbbyADay?

I don't know. Help. If I can find a name that doesn't suck, I'll start the homeland blog.

-Abby

Special Forces on alert in New Releases

Heartwarming tales from the country-
Mom and I are in Family Video, picking up I heart Huckabees and this Giovanni Ribisi movie that looked like it might be completely awful. Suddenly, mom is using the secret Bessman Family code to indicate I should look at the door. (For those unfamiliar with the "code", this entailed her turning her back to the point of interest, making a face that would normally suggest panic, pointing frantically over her shoulder and hissing "look look look!" through clenched teeth. This is a highly sophisticated system that no one has ever broken, and is impossible for people we talk about to detect.) Anyway, at the door there are three people. While it takes several minutes for Delta Force to position itself for top surveillance, we soon make out the characters of interest. It appears to be a young couple and another girl, all under the age of 16 by my guess. The three of them are the epitome of high society. The boy is wearing an over-sized t-shirt that says 'Hi My Name is DRUNK' over pants that are sagging nearly to his knees. The narrow-waisted girl holding hands with him is in a tight striped tank top and close-fitting jeans. The third girl is also in the traditional uniform of the highschool militia, low cut tank and ultra low rise jeans. All this seems normal (though the team is unsure how the party landed at the video store as none of them looked old enough to operate a motor vehicle). Holding our position turns out to be profitable when the party began to mobilize, however. When the girlfriend rotates, the profile view reveals the round belly of a pregnant teen! While the stripes of her top camouflaged the protrusion from the front, the side leaves no room for doubt. She must be more than 6 months along. And the child's daddy's name is 'DRUNK'. Lucky kid has a top notch set of parents.

*This story has not been embellished. Instead great liberty was taken with the style.

Charleston- The Belt Buckle of the Bible Belt

This weekend was the big fat Southern Baptist Wedding. It was my first Southern Wedding, and, expectedly, it was a bit differnt.

Things I don't see done much on the northern side of the Mason-Dixon line.

• There were 7 bridesmaids, the wedding party totalled at 17 people. This is apparently not excessive, my friend Winnie's future daughter in law is having 10 attendents.
• The actual ceremony was crazy short, 25 minutes, tops
• There was no alcohol at the reception. Well, none that wasn't carried in in beaded purses.
• There was no music played that was made after 1976.
• The groom's father was his Best Man
• The whole affair was over by 8:30

On the unsurprising front, Ashley looked beautiful (fantastic dress, great hair, pretty face) and Michael cried through the entire ceremony. The wedding party was really attractive and pretty unfun. Ash's bros are really ridiculously good-looking but only spoke to their cousins and only danced under extreme duress.

I also looked great. New dress, fab hair. One woman asked me where I had it done. I should really go pro.

Oh and credit to Anna for the quote that is the title. THere were 11 churches in 3 blocks on the street the wedding was on. Insanity.

Heathen Out-
Abby

261 W 8th Keeps you on your toes

Abby wanders downstairs bleary-eyed at 9:40am. The house is expectedly quiet, as the family should all be at their various places of work already. But then, she hears the jingle of the dog's collar. Hm, Emily must not have left yet, she thinks. Then her father appears from the basement. Confusion.
Shouldn't you be working?
No, quality of life Friday off. Just got done talking to your mother.
In the basement? Oh yeah she works at home Fridays.

So much for a quiet breakfast. Plus I had to make my own coffee. All those people flying around and no one makes coffee. Life is so hard.

On the agenda for this confusing day: lunch with Cyndi and the twins, haircut, X3. Not bad. Now if only there was gas in the El Camino...

-Abby

You'd have to mess with its anus.

Went to stitchin' tonight. It was eventful. We took Em, Molly, Nicole, Miranda and Brittany. The older half got side-tracked outside and by the time we got in Molly had donned a waist-scarf with loud dangley coins. She next added some ankle bling, finger cymbals, and fringed, beaded pasties safety-pinned to her "ta'ts*". Then she and Em found the little book of finger cymbal dancing lessons, and did a live tutorial. It was basically the loudest thing I've ever laughed at. It took them something like 45 minutes. There were tears, but mostly from the audience laughing so hard.

Later we had science hour. Heidi played with the kitten (Elwood), Katie pet the guinea pig (a stray that was in the house for some reason), Em pet Deke (the 1.3 meter tall rhodesian ridgeback) while Molly let Nova the albino corn snake molest her. My mom was not coping with the snake. We asked if Nova is a boy or girl and Katie said she didn't know. She nonchalantly spat out the sentence that titles this entry when describing how you find out the sex of a snake. That house is like a zoo. And it isn't just all the animals.

Anyway, when we got out of there, four of us tackled seven pieces of cheesecake while watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, one of my favorite movies. That was all.

-Abby for the second time today

Chicago is alright after all.

Abby, beer in hand: Can I help with dinner?
Dad: Are you drinking?
Abby: Yes
Dad: If you're drinking you're helping.

I forgot what great things there were to miss about my family. We had beer-butt chicken for dinner. If you arent familiar thats chicken prepared by shoving a half-full can of beer up its ass and slapping on the grill. The grill on the back porch.

Miranda is here :)
-Abby

Things You Aren't Missing About Hong Kong

A post to myself. You don't miss:

1. The crap weather
2. Being dripped on all the time
3. Humidity
4. No screens on the windows
5. Black-Eyed Peas
6. The scent of shark fins
7. The world's tiniest room
8. Sharing a kitchen with the nasty girls on your hall
9. Waiting for the bus in the rain
10. Stores that don't sell shoes big enough for your clown feet
11. Cantonese TV
12. Overpriced bad coffee
13. Live fish in the supermarket
14. Floor Fees
15. Sleeping Doormen

Now stop being sad. Take the El Camino for a ride to somewhere with central air where everyone speaks English.

Breastastic in Hookerland - The End of the Hong Kong Era

I'm listening to Leaving on a Jet Plane (Me First and the Gimme Gimmes version).

I'm pretty sad.

I had a top-notch last day though. Hannah made her famous pancakes and chocolate sauce for breakfast, and since "breakfast" is after noon, Harj and Thijs came over on their lunch break to partake of the meal. I suspect they aren't doing that much work, they lingered over lunch for like 2 hours. Anna got to eat with us as well, its an Austrian holiday.

I spent the rest of the afternoon packing and managed to fit everything I wanted to take home into my two suitcases. I didn't even have to put extra nonsense in my carry-ons. I'm an amazing packer. I should win an award or something.

For dinner the kids all went to the Shanghainese restaurant on the top floor of Times Square (remember mom? we went there your first day in HK). It was fairly delicious, and the cast was good as well- Michael, Hannah, H's mom, Anna, Harj and Thijs. After dinner Mikey went to pick up his own mommy and daddy at the airport. The rest of us went for drinks at Illy then twentyone. mmmmm whiskey.

We were home before 1 (absolutely unheard of), said our goodbyes and parted ways. But not really, because I still visited H and Anna's rooms and then had to call Harj because I was so depressed. Its really odd to try and say goodbye to the people that have been your family for six months knowing you may never see them again. Next week I won't be complaining about being at Old China Hand for 4 hours, or hanging out in the pantry with the girls. Everyone will be back to the life they had before we met. The best I can really hope for is that they are thinking of me when they talk about Hong Kong. My exchange kids are Hong Kong to me, coming back without them wouldn't be returning to a Hong Kong I know. Okay enough sap.

Packing was an adventure. In the insane humidity here, my things were actually molding. I know what you are thinking: "Abby is a filthy person who never cleans. No surprise that her stuff started an ecosystem under her desk." But no, its not just because I never clean. Hannah is much tidier than me and she has the mold as well. Now I understand why my lungs hate me--I'm living in a high mold environment. Its pretty gross.

It was fun to purge the old wardrobe as well. You wouldn't imagine that throwing out your own things would be fun, but its so rewarding to feel like your stuff doesn't own you. I lightened the load, I'm ready for my nomadic life. But not really, I still have so much stuff I need Hannah to help me wrangle it. Think about what it was like before I threw out a trash bag full of clothes.

Sorry this is long. I've got a lot on my mind. I am sort of excited to get home and see all the Manteno and Wilmington crowds, and I'm certainly looking forward to a much overdue haircut, but I'm fearful of the culture shock. Old exchangers say the transition back is worse than the transition into study abroad. I imagine its because you are expected to be comfortable in your homeland, no one helps you ease into it. I may lock myself in my room for a few days while I get used to the idea of America. I'll need a tv, some mexican food, and some personal space.

Well the plan for the morning is check in, get breakfast at the Flying Pan and head off. I suppose this means I should get some sleep (its now 2:15 and I have to leave at 8). On the other hand, I hate to be sensible. Not much chance to leave my mark on Hong Kong, so I hope the damage is done.

Farewell Hong Kong-
Abby